


french extremity

by indefensibleselfindulgence



Category: The Magnus Archives (Podcast)
Genre: F/F, Fluff, Gen, Minor Violence, Movie Night, Non-Sexual Intimacy, Panic Attacks, hand holding
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2019-04-26
Updated: 2019-04-26
Packaged: 2020-02-04 10:45:24
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 3,147
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/18602938
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/indefensibleselfindulgence/pseuds/indefensibleselfindulgence
Summary: Basira arrives with a plastic bag filled with loose disks.“I think this is an awful idea.” Is the first thing she says. “Do you know they're keeping my key card until I bring those back?” Is the second.“Sure is a good thing you don't have to go anywhere.” Daisy pats the spot next to her on the couch and stares at the projector Jon hooked up to his laptop.





	french extremity

**Author's Note:**

> hey alive hey alive lagorio is clearly an intalian name and also shot normal horror movies why is that the title 
> 
> not beta'd

Jon watches Daisy and Melanie haul the nice couch from the nice break room all the way to the elevator and he also watches the rest of the people who work in this building try to restrain themselves from yelling at the weirdos from the Archives.   
  
“Are you coming or not?” Melanie sounds bored which means she's already done with this entire idea. Jon gets into the elevator. It's a tight fit and the lights are dim and Daisy stands too close to possibly be comfortable but he doesn't mind. He's gotten used to her shadowing him like this. Feels safer for it even.   
  
Hauling the couch out takes even more time then hauling it in did, and then dragging it into the spare office is a trial with how small the door is.   
  
“Right, I'm done. Have fun with your awful idea.” Melanie dusts her hands on her jeans and stares at the two of them. “I'll tell Helen you're being stupid again.”   
  
“I'm sure she'll be thrilled.” Melanie snorts and leaves just as Basira arrives with a plastic bag filled with loose disks.   
  
“I think this is an awful idea.” Is the first thing she says. “Do you know they're keeping my key card until I bring those back?” Is the second.   
  
“Sure is a good thing you don't have to go anywhere.” Daisy pats the spot next to her on the couch and stares at the projector Jon hooked up to his laptop. “Are we doing this or what?”   
  
This, being a marathon of the Lagorio director cuts. Because they're out of ideas and Annabelle- probably Annabelle- has started infesting the institute just as badly as Prentiss did. They're on every inch of the walls outside, and slipping in through the windows so much easier. There aren't any in the tunnels yet, and not that many managed to sneak into the basement, but-   
  
Everyone else will crush them for him, and he doesn't have to touch them, and he doesn't mind.   
  
He fiddles with the disk drive, a temperamental thing he borrowed from Georgie ages ago and when he finally remembered to return it she had gotten a new one and let him keep it for five quid. He grabs a loose disk from the bag, huffing warm air on it and cleaning it on his shirt before putting it in and sitting to Daisy's right.   
  
It's Dead Sky, the credits tell them.   
  
Jon hates it instantly. 

  
Dead Sky  
  
Real snore fest. Couldn't even begin to be scared. All of the gore would look great if you could see any of it. Ever heard of lighting balance? And you can totally see the suspension harnesses. Stop wasting so much money on practical effects if you can't even afford a green screen. 2 Stars. Hey, want to hear a joke? Why can't spiders become pilots? Because they only know how to tailspin.  – LonelyEyes 

  
The phantom touch of vertigo only leaves him when the credits roll, the tightness in his chest finally abating when he turns his head to see how his two tagalongs are doing.   
  
“You're breathing kind of hard there, you alright?” Jon nods, rubbing his face awake. “Not going to be weird, right?”   
  
“I don't know. Where's Basira?”   
  
“She said she was going to steal popcorn from the upstairs break room.” Daisy looks bored. Really not a movie person then. Or just not a good movie. She stretches, one arm vaguely behind Jon's head before she settles comfortably. “I thought it was going to be worse, honestly. Wasn't this one of his fucked up one?”   
  
“It was-” He pats his chest as if that's supposed to translate what he means but Daisy takes a slow nod anyway.   
  
“Maybe it didn't grab me because I killed one of them.”   
  
“Maybe.”   
  
Basira comes back with popcorn while Jon tries to figure out the next disk to put in. 

  
Beyond Time  
  
God, could you make something more reductive if you tried? Honestly, the second anyone thinks they can do time travel right is a joke. Black holes don't work like that, obviously. At least someone learned how to light a scene correctly, but man the make up? Come on people. Cult classic? Hey, since you people like jokes so much, got another one for you. What does a spider do when he gets angry? He goes up the wall! 2.5 Stars –LonelyEyes

  
  
Jon breathes a sigh of relief when its over. This one really wasn't as bad- at least not to him. Daisy holds Basira's hand and whispers something Jon chooses not to hear. While he fumbles with the next disk, Daisy passes him the bowl of popcorn to hold while she takes both of Basira's hands.   
  
“Are you alright?”   
  
Daisy nudges his foot with hers, which means shut up, which he does, staring back at the wall.   
  
“I'm fine, Jon. Put the next one on.” Daisy's hands don't move from Basira's.   
  
He wipes the disk twice, just to make sure none of the sugar got on it and caused the film to look even worse.

  
  
The Crawling Ones  
  
This one almost won me over. Almost. The romance was so by the numbers though, and it took up way to much of the runtime. My coworker doesn't think the romance between the monster roaches and the lead actor was even obvious, so really, what else can be said. Ugh. 1.6 stars. Oh, I got a joke for you, ready? Did you hear about the spider love triangle? It was a tangled web. – LonelyEyes

  
Basira excuses herself to vomit, which Jon thinks is fair, and if he never sees another bug of any kind it will be to soon.   
  
“You look green Jon.”   
  
“Yes well. Bit over insects.” He says.   
  
Daisy nods, somewhat lazy in her understanding but she takes Jon's hand and rolls his sleeve up to stare at the worm scars. He tries his best not to feel examined, tries his best not to squirm before she slowly rolls his sleeve back down, doing the buttons he didn't bother with earlier. Her nails clack against them and it's oddly loud in the otherwise quiet room.   
  
“If you get really scared you can hold my hand.” It doesn't sound placating, which is nice. They try not to sound placating around each other.   
  
“Is Basira okay?” He asks because the thought of holding hands makes his palms sweat almost instantly.   
  
“She- She's fine. She'll be fine. She's strong.”   
  
“Right.” You are too, he wants to say, but the door to the office opens and Basira sits down on the couch and stares straight ahead. Okay, not going to talk about it then, that's fine.

  
  
Jewel of the Amazon  
  
Eh. Can't muster more then Eh. Not a good sign, traditionally. Eh. 0 Stars. Here's something though, What does a spider do when he gets angry? He goes up the wall! – LonelyEyes

  
  
The scar Melanie gave him aches miserably.   
  
“Jon?” He lets go of Daisy's hand, practically drops it like its hot coal. She shakes it out, like he gripped too hard, and he must have. He tries to move to the right, give Daisy some space before she tugs him back, closer then before. “Holding up?”   
  
He chances a glance at Basira- who's managed to fall asleep half way through it.   
  
“Leg hurts.” It's all situational, he supposed. And these films are three to four hours long. He has no idea how anyone would ever want to watch this. How this man sold any of this garbage.   
  
“Poor you. Here.” She pats her shoulder and Jon stares at her. “I'm not going to snap your head off, come on.” 

  
Agents of Orion  
  
Definitely the only good movie this hack ever made, I can really feel the horror. My coworker thinks its a little on the nose, but there's nothing wrong with that sometimes. If it's tasteful. But then you can't go wrong with the isolation of space! Who wouldn't think that was scary! The maze section was absolute garbage though. Amateur writing 101 much? 4 stars. What do you call an under cover spider? A spy-der ! - LonelyEyes

  
He does end up with his face in her neck.   
  
It's embarrassing now, while she holds the back of his neck like he's a infant, but during the film he appreciated it. He really appreciated it. Her nails dig into the skin and it's nice, it's grounding, and even if it hurts it's the kind of pain he's used to, somehow.   
  
For half a second he thinks she's going to start rocking him back and forth but she lets him go as Basira gets up from the couch.   
  
“I'm going to bed.” Jon pulls away, blinks until he can see straight and looks at the time. They really did waste all day doing this. “Pick this up again tomorrow?”   
  
“Yes- Yes.” He says. His face feels warm. Well, he was just cradled by her girlfriend. He supposed it made sense that at least one of them was embarrassed about it. “Tomorrow morning.”   
  
“Sounds good. Daisy?”   
  
“I'm going to make sure he's okay. I”ll find you in a few.”   
  
Basira just shrugs and heads towards the tunnels.   
  
“I'm fine.” He insists.   
  
“Well, yeah. It's not like you could have nightmares about this.”   
  
“Oh- yes.” He laughs. “Sorry for then uh-”   
  
“I told you it was fine.”   
  
“Just-” Jon swallows. “Thank you- for-”   
  
“I got it.”   
  
“Alright.”   
  
“Good night Jon.” 

  
Forty Winks  
  
Abysmal in every way, -5 stars, couldn't stand it.  I got another joke, though, ready? What do you get when you cross spiders and corn? Cobwebs. - LonelyEyes

  
  
Helen and Melanie join them in the morning, just for the sake of solidarity, they tell him.   
  
It's relatively tame- well- the gore is everywhere and the animatronics move like they're alive- but Jon's gotten over his Spiral fear ages ago, especially with Helen sitting next to him.   
  
The only real horrific part of that viewing experience was Melanie in Helen's lap, both of them apparently trying to swallow each others tongues the entire time. He honestly wasn't even aware Helen had a tongue until he watched it lick Melanie's lips for five minutes straight.   
  
Basira's asleep again too, rough night apparently, head in Daisy's lap.   
  
And he's between them alone, fumbling with the cheap disk drive. 

  
Nightmare Children  
  
This one is....almost good. The monsters feel cheap though. The people I watched this one with were to distracted having sex to actually react to the movie, so it's at least that bad. 2.5 stars. Maybe my joke could distract them from each other? I felt so guilty after I stepped on a spider this morning. You should of seen him, he looked genuinely crushed. – LonelyEyes

  
  
Jon has to hold Daisy's hand again.   
  
The way the dolls move is- is just too close to-   
  
Helen and Melanie unceremoniously excused themselves half way through, clearly more entertained with each other then with a cheap evil doll movie.   
  
Basira left too, also half way through. She had an appointment she forgot about, apparently.   
  
“How many more of this do we have left?”  
  
“Just three, I think.” Daisy reaches over and picks up the three disks, holding them out for him like a fan of cards.   
  
“Homestretch.”   
  
Jon smiles and picks the middle one, cleaning the finger prints off on his shirt.   
  
“This entire thing feels kind of- I don't know. A waste of time?”   
  
Daisy shrugs.   
  
“Maybe after this you could show me a good movie.”   
  
Jon puts in the disk and tries not to swell on far reaching implications.

  
  
Toy Shop  
  
Another trite romance, can this guy do anything else? And this is the second evil doll movie? He should try and work with mannequins. Those could actually scare people. 1.5 stars. My coworker wanted to write a joke but I don't really get it. He's a good kid though. What part of a computer does a spider use? The webcam. – LonelyEyes

  
  
They both get up and walk around, mostly out of boredom. The last one really was-   
  
Bad. He can say bad. Boring, even.   
  
Daisy stares at him while he smokes.   
  
“Just two more.” He says. It's really become a slog. But then the more something goes on for the more it's a given that it'll turn dull and derivative. “I don't know if I should hope for a exciting ending or not. Either it's a good film, which means it's scary or its another eight hours of wasting time.”   
  
“This was your idea.”   
  
“Isn't it time people stop letting me have those?”   
  
Daisy laughs. 

  
Under New York  
  
Tight spaces? That's it? A few collapsed tunnels, a few abandoned subways? A lake? I was ready to get upset about how this movie was treating its monster (mole people by the way, like it's the fifties) but then you realize it's trying to be clever with a “man was always the real monster” and oh, just throw the entire production away. Couldn't think of something more dull if I tried. -2 stars. What do you call two young married spiders? Newly webs!  Well. They can't all be great. – LonelyEyes

  
  
When they try and stop the movie, the laptop freezes and keeps going. The door is, at this point in their lives, unsurprisingly locked. They can't even get the sound off.   
  
Watching Daisy have an attack is nightmarish. She doesn't get violent- he doesn't know why he thought he would, but she goes completely still, and he could see the tension in ever single muscle. Her eyes go dull, she looks anywhere but the wall it's projected on.   
  
“Daisy- Daisy listen to me-” He has to yell over the volume. “Daisy you're not there!” He tries to push her off of the couch but she's a solid rock of muscle that Jon couldn't really push around regularly.   
  
So of course, he does the one thing that comes to mind which he is sure is nothing short of an unspeakably good idea, and punches Daisy in the face.   
  
She's not frozen anymore, good, but she's staring at Jon like he's a meal, bad. He does try to at least get to the other side of the couch before Daisy lunges after him. They're both on the ground, and in Jon's desperate attempt to get away the project gets turned over and displays some poor man crawling through a tunnel on the ceiling.   
  
She grabs his hair and pulls and the pain shoots right down his spine, almost blinding. It barely compares to when she slams his head down on the floor. His nose bleeds onto their clothes, and just as shes about to do it again, he kicks out and yells her name.   
  
Any realization, any kind of flash of reality before she bashes his skull it would be great really.   
  
“Make it stop!” It's a howl more then a yell, loud and dangerous. “Make the crushing stop!”   
  
“I'm-” Trying, is what he was going to say, before Daisy decks him across the face, and more of that searing hot pain makes him feel like his face is on fire. He kicks at the her- at the desk- at anything he can before she swings again, harder, connects with his jaw.   
  
It's hard enough that it splits her knuckles open.   
  
Somewhere between the kicking and the begging and the collective screaming, the laptop falls off of the desk behind the couch, and the projector displays it's bright blue no input found screen and Jon lets himself fall back on the cool floor.   
  
“Fuck.”   
  
Her hair is a mess around her face, blood on her cheeks, probably his, breathing hard.   
  
“Jon-” He can practically see the way she comes back to herself- her pupils dilate for a moment before she settles- getting off of him. “Jon-” Like she hasn't even noticed.   
  
“I'm fine.” He's not- they can both tell instantly when the words come out with a wheeze. He can't feel any inch of his face. “Just need some ice. That's all.”   
  
“I'm-”   
  
“I'm okay. Really. This will fix itself in an hour at most.”   
  
She doesn't say anything after that, but heads upstairs – door's unlocked, who would have thought – and comes back with an ice pack.   
  
“Let me look.” Before he has a chance to argue she's holding his face, twisting it every way.   
  
“I'll be fine, Daisy.” He insists, even if it hurts to move his jaw right now. “Your hands.”   
  
She seems almost surprised to find blood there.   
  
“Well.” She sits him up and presses the icepack to his chin. “You weren't lying about getting stronger.”   
  
Jon laughs or tries to. Still hurts to much to actually commit.   
  
“One more movie?”   
  
“This sounds like an exceptionally bad idea.”   
  
“Can't be worse then the last one.”  

 

Widow's Weave  
  
Trite, really, but even a cold hard critic like me has to admit. The spider looked great. 4.0 stars. Why are spiders like tops? They are always spinning! – LonelyEyes

  
  
He feels his face knit itself back together just as he realizes what he's about to see on screen.   
  
Daisy holds his hand with her battered knuckles before Jon has to turn away. All he can see is Mr. Spider behind a random door, leering and waiting, curling his arms invitingly. “Don't you know good boys come when they're called?” Someone says in the movie, and Jon almost bolts out of the room.   
  
Well, he would have. If the door wasn't locked again.   
  
“Jon, come here.” He does, because he knows her voice- because he can trust her voice- He stops a few steps from the couch. Can he? She grabs his hand anyway and pulls him on top of her, face into the crook of her neck. “It's not real.”   
  
“That's never stopped it before.” He whispers.   
  
“Don't focus on it. Focus on me. On my voice. That's good for you right? Voices?”   
  
He doesn't know what's good for him.   
  
Until she tells him about Calvin.   
  
He's heard this before, of course, but that was Elias doing his- their trick- and now it's Daisy, by choice,  voice low in his ear and a hand on his back. He feels ready to run a marathon once she's done, filled with energy he hasn't had in a while. In a long while.   
  
But she doesn't let him go regardless, because the film keeps going and he can still hear the staccato accompaniment when ever the spider moves. So she tells him again, how she ripped Nikola's dolls apart, how she set a vampire on fire, how she met Basira, story after story after story that fed him more then anyone else ever has.   
  
He doesn't even notice the film ending.   
  
It's past midnight.   
  
“Are you alright?' He pulls away and she gives him a smile.   
  
She has a bruise where he punched her.   
  
“Aces.”

**Author's Note:**

> peter made martin type the reviews because he doesn't know how to type
> 
> alll spider jokes sourced from http://www.jokes4us.com/animaljokes/spiderjokes.html and they are #bad
> 
> comments are always encouraged and very very very appreciated
> 
> talk[ to me here](http://iamalivenow.tumblr.com/) [ or here](https://twitter.com/licotain)


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